Why your confidence and self-esteem can fluctuate so much.
Do you find yourself feeling a confident social-bee one day, and less than 24 hours later want to avoid any kind of social interaction and be left on your own? Are you nodding? We hear you, we feel this too.
Confidence is believing that you can do something. And, self-esteem stems from your confidence which enables you to do that ‘thing’. The two go hand in hand. Because life is not always straightforward, there will be daily hurdles you will face that will cause your confidence levels to go up and down.
This is completely normal and all part of our learnings and journey with our lives. However, if you find your confidence and self-esteem levels fluctuate so much from day to day, this can be extremely frustrating and inhibit some of your daily activities.
We’re here to help you understand what factors could be affecting your confidence and share our advice on what you can do to prevent the extreme fluctuation and lead a more ‘balanced’ life.
Why confidence and self-esteem fluctuate so much
Daily tasks
We underestimate as humans how much our busy lives can affect our overall well-being. Many of us rush from A to B every single day juggling work, children, pets, family and more. While most daily tasks are completed monotonously, there will be some that take a bit more effort, thought and energy to complete. That may be having a difficult conversation with someone, solving a problem that takes time to resolve, or looking after a family member who needs your support. All of these will play havoc with your emotions, adrenaline and anxiety levels, which in turn can make your confidence and self-esteem feel like they're on a rollercoaster.
What can you do to prevent this happening?
It might be easier said than done, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Not everything every day will be completed perfectly. There will be good days and there will be bad days, but it’s important to constantly remind yourself that bad days are okay.
The best way to tackle the more challenging daily tasks is to not overload yourself. You are one person and one person can only achieve so much. Are there any tasks you can take off your to-do list? Do you have any family members that you can reach out to? Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re a failure, it means you’re smart!
This brings us nicely to relationships.
Relationships
Personal relationships with partners, family and friends can fluctuate depending on various factors. Most of the time you will be able to work through these ups and downs, however, there may be moments when it becomes challenging and relationships become strained. Some hurtful things can be said in arguments and it’s hard to take this information on board. When this happens you will most likely doubt yourself and start finding faults in your actions. This of course ends up impacting your confidence and self-esteem, and will therefore cause you to act differently. It can be hard to get up and carry on.
What can you do to prevent this happening?
People will fall out with people, it’s a fact of life. However, how you react to that fallout will impact how you feel.
The best option is to communicate and resolve things by talking disagreements through. If this isn’t possible and you recognise there's a trend in relationship quality you get with certain people and they continue to make you feel sad, then it’s wise to reevaluate these relationships, and decide whether or not it’s best to walk away.
Remember the quote, “It’s not about how you feel about someone, it’s about how they make you feel”. Surround yourself with good people, and you’ll feel good in yourself.
Health
When you feel unwell you will feel weak, emotional and lackluster. Even if you’re fighting a common cold, this can hugely affect how you function and have a big impact on the decisions you make. No wonder that when you’re poorly your confidence and self-esteem are likely to fall too. So if your confidence has taken a knock recently, ask yourself: Are you under the weather? Are you fighting a virus? What’s your personal well-being like? If you agree with one or all of these questions, then go easy on yourself. Get some rest and concentrate on getting better. Your self-esteem levels can wait!
What can you do to prevent this happening?
Staying well when you lead a busy life can be tricky. But in order to function at 100% it’s crucial you look after yourself and put self-care at the top of your priority list.
Elements that can help keep bugs at bay are eating well, drinking plenty of water, getting at least 8 hours sleep every night, taking vitamins, finding time to relax, and believe it or not making sure you find time to laugh and smile. Putting your health first will pay off and positively impact all areas of your life.
Talking about health, let’s now look at hormones.
Hormones
You might not realise it, but hormones have a lot to answer for. Controlled by a structure in your brain called the hypothalamus, hormones can make a huge difference to your emotional reactions, and how positive and energetic you feel.
For women, there’s your menstrual cycle to take into account. Your levels of estrogen and progesterone can have a huge impact on your mood. When your hormones are balanced it’s likely you’ll be in a good place and your self-esteem will be at a good level. However, as soon as your hormones are out of balance you’ll likely experience symptoms such as mood swings, lethargy and anxiety.
For men, your testosterone levels play a huge part in how you feel. Women tend to be good at talking about their hormones, but as a nation we tend to ‘forget’ that men have hormones too. Testosterone levels increase during puberty and start to decrease after the age of 30. If your testosterone levels drop below a certain level then the side effects are low energy, mood swings and symptoms of depression.
So, if you’re feeling less confident today, ask yourself, could your hormones be to blame?
What can you do to prevent this happening?
Monitoring if there is a pattern to your lack of confidence and self-esteem will allow you to see if there are hormonal patterns. If it is happening at a similar time on a monthly basis, it’s likely your hormones are out of balance. It’s a bit trickier for men to identify hormone patterns, but it’s worthwhile getting your testosterone levels checked to allow you to rule this reason out.
If hormones are the culprit, the good news is that there are lots of natural and medical treatments out there to help, so get in touch with your GP or local hormone specialist for advice.
Social Media
Research proves that the more time you spend on social media sites, such as Facebook and Instagram, the more likely you are to compare yourself to others and their achievements. Social comparison is linked to many mental health conditions, one being low self-esteem.
Social media is a platform where you find people sharing the best of themselves - a great day out, a promotion at work, or losing a stone and looking ‘perfect’ on a beach. It’s important to realise that none of what you see is true life. You’re not seeing the rough with the smooth. For example, it’s likely that person who had a great day out also had some lows that day too, likewise that person on the beach looking amazing probably had someone take that picture 100 times to make sure they got a good angle. No one is perfect, which is why we shouldn’t strive for perfection.
So, you heard it from us. Next time you spend time on social media and come away thinking your life is boring, you need to lose a few pounds, or you need to get a better job, stop and tell yourself it’s not real and it’s not obtainable.
What can you do to prevent this happening?
Limiting how much time you spend on social media each week will allow you to live your life in the real world - not through a screen. We’re not saying quit social media altogether, but it’s important to understand if you’re addicted to the platform or not. We know how easy it is to pick up a phone and scroll, but if you limit this scrolling to a set time each day you’ll be able to appreciate all the things that are happening around you too.
A huge tip - don’t go on social media late at night. You’re tired, and this is prime time for feeling more anxious and lacking confidence. Scrolling at lunchtime is a better time of day, as you can put down your phone and carry on with your daily activities.
Practise
Do you avoid social activities and going to social events? If yes, then while we completely understand why you’re avoiding them, it won’t be good for your confidence levels now or in the future.
We always encourage our students to try things outside of their comfort zone. When this happens, our students often find they end up enjoying these experiences and therefore don’t feel worried about doing them again.
The saying, ‘practise makes perfect’ is completely true. The more you do something, the better you’ll be at it. So, next time you want to say no to an invite, think again and perhaps try saying yes.
What can you do to prevent this happening?
We understand a lot about social anxiety. Many of our students suffer from it, and many of our team members do too. Social anxiety is completely normal, and it can spike when you’re having low self-esteem moments. While treatments such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are brilliant for tackling social anxiety, another way to overcome your fear is by trying something outside your comfort zone. Start small and at a place where you feel comfortable, and then keep challenging yourself a little bit more, one step at a time.
Final thoughts
Next time your confidence takes a nosedive, don’t panic. There will be so many factors playing havoc with your emotions. When this happens, take a moment, and ask yourself if there could be a reason why. Are you unwell? Are your hormones all over the place? Or have you spent too much time on social media comparing yourself to others? Remember you’re not alone, and while some people may appear confident, we bet they’re actually just very good at masking how they really feel.
If you want to read more about confidence, you might like some of our other articles below:
What it really means to be confident
If you’d like to chat more about your confidence levels and how we can help, please get in touch here.