Why Your Nervous System Shapes How You Speak - and How to Work With It

Most people think their fear of public speaking means they lack confidence. But often, it’s not about confidence at all. It’s the body trying to protect you.

When you stand in front of a group, your nervous system can’t tell the difference between a room full of faces and something genuinely dangerous.

Your heart speeds up, your breath shortens, and your thoughts scatter. You might shake or feel disconnected from your voice.

It’s not weakness. It’s how your body works.

How Safety Shapes Expression

Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, helps explain why our ability to speak and connect depends so much on how safe our body feels.

The theory suggests that the vagus nerve - a long nerve that runs from the brain down through the body - constantly scans our surroundings for cues of safety or danger. This happens automatically, below conscious thought. Based on what it senses, our nervous system shifts between different states.

You can think of these states like gears:

• Ventral vagal: the “safe and social” state. You feel steady, open, and able to connect.

• Sympathetic: the “fight or flight” state. The body gears up for action - faster heartbeat, shallow breath, muscles tight and ready.

• Dorsal vagal: the “freeze or collapse” state. When things feel too much, the body shuts down to conserve energy. You might go blank, lose words, or feel far away from yourself.

When you stand up to speak, your nervous system is scanning everything - faces, sounds, posture, lighting - asking one simple question: am I safe right now?

If the answer feels like “no,” even subtly, the body steps in to protect you. Your throat tightens. Your voice wavers. Your mind races or empties. These aren’t signs of weakness or lack of preparation - they’re the body’s protective reflexes.

That’s why “just relax” rarely works.
You can’t think your way out of a survival response.
You have to meet your body where it is and help it feel safe again.

Speaking Starts in the Body

Public speaking isn’t just about what you say. It’s about what your body feels. When your nervous system feels safe, your breath deepens, your thoughts link together, and your words flow. When it doesn’t, everything tightens as it tries to protect you.

So the goal isn’t to get rid of fear. It’s to create the conditions for safety.

How to Work With Your Nervous System

There are some simple ways to support yourself before and during speaking. These aren’t little mental tricks to play on yourself - they’re ways to communicate safety to your nervous system and help it shift toward ventral vagal, the state where connection and expression happen naturally.

Simpy put, when your body feels safe, it’s much easier to talk. When it doesn’t, your system may slip into sympathetic (fight or flight) or dorsal vagal (freeze) states, which can make you feel tense, rushed, or disconnected.

Each of the practices below nudges your nervous system toward safety, helping you speak from presence rather than pressure.

1 .Move a Little

Tension needs movement. Gently roll your shoulders, shake out your hands, walk a few steps, slowly sway your arms side-to-side - this all tells your body you’re not trapped - you can borrow some of the exercises from the below video.

2. Deep, Rhythmic Breathing

Try breathing in through your nose for four counts, and out through your mouth for eight. When you make the exhale longer than your inhale, it stimulates the vagus nerve, and tips us back into ventral vagal.

3. Hum or Make Gentle Sounds

Humming, or making some gentle sounds directly stimulates the vagus nerve, calming your heart rate and relaxing the throat - the exact area that tightens under stress. It’s a simple, almost childlike way to say to your body, you’re safe to make sound.

4. Try EFT (Tapping)

Tapping lightly on accupunture points in your body, whilst naming how you feel, sends a calming signal to the amygdala in the brain. Tapping whilst saying something as simple as, “Even though I feel nervous, I’m okay right now,” can bring a sense of steadiness.

5. Some small things you can try in the room

1. Eye Contact with Someone Supportive

   One of the most powerful forms of regulation is co-regulation - feeling calm through someone else’s presence.
   Before or during your talk, find one friendly face in the room. Let your eyes rest there for a moment. Their calm expression and open body language can help your nervous system settle. It’s the same mechanism that soothes a child - we regulate through connection.
   

2. Ground Through Your Feet

   Before you start, feel the floor under you. Notice how it supports your weight. Let your breath drop down into your belly. This small shift can change your whole state - from floating in your head to anchored in your body.
   

3. Look Around the Room

   Slowly look around. Take in the space, the faces, light, colour, distance. This is called orienting and it lets your nervous system know there’s no real danger.

From Performance to Connection

When your body is in ventral vagal, speaking begins to feel much easier - your breath deepens, your words flow, and connection happens naturally.

If your system drifts into sympathetic or dorsal vagal states, you might rush, freeze, or feel disconnected.

That’s why supporting your nervous system matters.

When it feels safe, speaking stops feeling like something to survive.

Instead, it becomes being in conversation with a group of people who, deep down, want you to do well.

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