New Year, Same You?
Once a therapist asked me, “What if there was nothing to change or add to your life?”
She got me there. She was sneaky like that.
I had been in a relentless pursuit of improving, gaining, and achieving for as long as I can remember, so the idea of adding nothing felt… uncomfortable.
January is when most of us try to improve our lives – forming new habits, making positive changes, prioritising fitness, health, and wellbeing.
Self-help industries (of which we are part) thrive in this space. Full disclosure: so do we.
New Year’s resolutions are noble, even if they last only a few weeks. But they can backfire if they arise from a strong, underlying sense of lack.
This has always been true for me - the belief I am lacking as I am, and I will stop being lacking once I get to X.
The paradox is that self-improvement rarely addresses the feeling of “lacking.” It is also why we self-sabotage at certain points along the journey.
Core beliefs are hard to change. Believing that doing something will change them is where we get stuck.
So my New Year’s resolution is simple. I will add… nothing.
This doesn’t mean I will do nothing (although I might).
It means my relentless pursuit of improving will be redirected toward the relentless pursuit of accepting.
Here is an experiment:
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and ask yourself:
“How would I feel if there was absolutely nothing to add, and nothing to change about myself?”
Sit with the feeling.
If it brings even a small measure of peace, you might be onto something.
And if you want something practical to do daily, try the Nathaniel Branded-inspired sentence stem exercises each morning this month. Using the incomplete sentences below, write five quick completions for each:
If nothing about me had to change, I would notice…
If I didn’t feel the need to add anything to my life, I could…
Instead of changing, I could allow myself to…
Without trying to improve, I might finally see…
If I accepted myself fully as I am, I could…
Don’t overthink it. Just write down whatever comes out.
My hope is that your commitment to this start to bring about real sense of self-acceptance that lasts beyond January.
And now that is out of the way… let me sell you some of our self-improvement courses - ha!
Seriously, though, there is one fundamental difference in our courses: self-acceptance comes first.
Our exercises let people come as they are and learn how to honestly express themselves.
Our goal is to help people shift how they see themselves, to become more at peace with imperfection.
Starting from acceptance builds a stronger foundation for real confidence. It cuts through the phony public speaking BS and allows genuine connection with other human beings – the kind of connection that actually makes you feel good about being alive.
You can join any of our courses and find out more here.
I wish you a great New Year, even if you do nothing with it.
Adam x