Student Case Study: Roy Kurtzbard
“I was always avoiding situations where I had to speak in public with an audience, I would never want to do it, but once you do and you actually realise that it’s not impossible, it’s massive”
We’ve been running courses since 2014 and in that time taught well over 10,000 students…
We love what we do because we believe we truly help those who attend our training not just embrace their insecurities and fears around speaking in public, but foster a deep, meaningful sense of connection with each other too.
As people who also struggle with confidence, it’s great to witness students grow over the weeks they spend with us, pushing themselves outside of their comfort zone and being willing to be vulnerable with the group.
In our brand new Case Study series, we’re going to be telling you the stories of those who have completed training with us and hear how it has shaped their lives.
For our first one, SOC trainer Adam sat down with Roy Kurtzbard, a 22-year-old student from London. Roy finished both our 4 Week Online and 4 Week In-Person training with us in 2021. Below is our conversation with Roy where we hear how the courses have helped and what he has learnt from hours spent in the School of Connection classroom.
Adam: Why did you join the courses at School of Connection?
Roy: Public speaking is something that I've always struggled with. It came from a bad experience that I had when I was 15, and as a result of that bad experience, I never put myself out there again, and I struggled with this anxiety that I felt was never going to go away, it was only going to grow because I wasn’t addressing it head-on.
It got to a time, especially during my master's degree, where I’d been in situations where I had to do public speaking and I would avoid it, and also, knowing that after university I will be going off to work where this would be a much bigger problem, I realised that I had to confront it and not let this anxiety follow me all through life.
Adam: What was it that attracted you to training with us?
Roy: I did my fair share of internet research before I chose which course to do and this seemed the most inviting. It said in the description you didn’t need any public speaking experience, and it mentioned that there would be warm-up games, meditation and breathing techniques. It seemed very guided and I didn’t feel like I would be alone in the process. And it was true, you do guide us through the process, you teach us why anxiety exists in the first place, how to overcome it and the fact that it’s normal. I really fell in love with the psychology behind your course, because I always felt very alone with my experiences.
Adam: What about the training was different from other things you’ve done in the past or from what you were expecting?
Roy: I liked how it wasn’t just putting you on the spot to do speaking, but it was teaching you about the psychology that affects people and why they’re scared of public speaking in the first place, explaining the fact that it’s normal and that people feel like they have to hide their imperfections.
That was something that I really resonated with. I liked the fact that you had a whole introduction every week where you would teach us about the mindset as opposed to just putting people out there when they might not be ready for that. And also, I loved the games as well, the games we played to warm up, but also to train different parts of you - all the anxiety smashing games, I really enjoyed those.
“It was such an adrenaline rush and there’s so much growth in knowing that you can do things you didn’t know you were capable of doing.”
Adam: What did you like the best about the training?
Roy: I loved how the games stretched me in ways I didn’t know I was capable of, for example, the one game where you had to shout in the moment. Knowing myself, I would never shout, I didn’t even know I was capable of shouting, let alone shouting in front of an audience! It sounds like the scariest thing in the world, but then in the moment you’re there, and the way the game is set up, you feel encouraged, and when you take that step and do it, it’s SO liberating. It was such an adrenaline rush and there’s so much growth in knowing that you can do things you didn’t know you were capable of doing.
The other thing I really enjoyed was the student speeches, especially the ones where you recommended to talk about our “vulnerabilities”. If you really take that challenge and think about a time where you were vulnerable or something about you that you’re insecure about, and you take that step and you deliver a speech - that was SO liberating as an experience.
For me, I spoke about my fear of public speaking and that was something that I’ve never shared with anyone before. So to share it in front of an audience whilst you’re actually public speaking, and to have the validation that it’s completely normal and that your insecurity doesn’t make you crazy or some weird outsider, which is almost what your brain is telling you was amazing. And once you’ve shared that with a live class and everyone supports you and is like “what a great speech” and they really relate to what you’re saying, it was really liberating because you’re putting your insecurities out there, and you’re realising that actually it’s normal, it’s ok, and you’re fine.
Adam: One of the things we always notice is that our students always really bond well together - did you experience that?
Roy: I certainly experienced it. I think you bond over the fact you’re all coming in and you’re all a bit nervous and that’s why you’re there in the first place. You’re all going through this same experience together so there’s something of a team spirit in that. I think the bonds really came about after the student speeches when the group feedback was given. Because you do a speech and you’re really nervous about how it went, but then everyone gives you positive feedback, and it’s amazing to have people be so supportive and accepting. I remember after the final week we were all in the pub and everyone was talking about how far everyone had come - you feel so lifted.
Adam: Having done the course now, how do you feel about public speaking?
Roy: I think it’s definitely changed. The way I saw it at the start was that it was something I was very anxious about and it was something I couldn’t do. And I felt like I was the only one who couldn’t do it. So whenever I was in a presentation for university I would feel like “why am I the only one that’s nervous?”. And I would feel very isolated in that. But one of the things that changed through the course was that every week in class, everyone was sharing how much the same thing has affected their lives, I started thinking, wow public speaking isn’t just something that is affecting me, it’s actually normal.
The second you realise that it’s something that affects everyone, and the anxiety isn’t weird, but it’s actually normal, you then feel better about confronting it. Then once you put yourself out there and you have to do the speeches and the exercises, and you give it your best go, you address it head-on, you actually realise, I CAN actually do this.
I was always avoiding situations where I had to speak in public with an audience, I would never want to do it, but once you do and you actually realise that it’s not impossible, it’s massive. And by week 3 and week 4 I was actually enjoying it which is a word I would never have associated with public speaking before.
“So once you take that first step and you realise that you shouldn’t hide your imperfections, but you should actually celebrate them, that’s when you’re confidence become MUCH stronger, and you have better connections with people because they’re seeing the real you.”
Adam: And have you had to do any public speaking since doing the course?
Roy: Yeah, I’ve had to do some speaking at university, I’ve had to do some presentations and it’s just a much better experience. I’ve had much better feedback and I’ve also had it where in meetings I would volunteer to speak, without preparing massively beforehand, which is something I would never do. Normally if I was going to speak in a meeting I would have to prepare everything, memorise it and say it a million times and it would always sound like I was really nervous. But after this course, I’ve definitely had the confidence to speak up in a meeting and trust myself to find the words as I go along, and the feedback I’ve had from that has been really good.
Adam: And finally, what advice would you now give to anyone struggling with public speaking and confidence overall?
Roy: The first thing I would recommend is to realise, is that stems from the fact that people always try to hide their imperfections, and they always try to mask whatever they’re feeling, and “be normal”, “act normal”, “stay normal” and be a robot basically. And it’s self-defeating because you can’t always put yourself out there in the world and make real connections. And it’s bad for the people that you’re associating with too, because they don’t really see the real you, and that then generates a thing where you’re much more nervous in the world and you feel a lot more alone.
So once you take that first step and you realise that you shouldn’t hide your imperfections, but you should actually celebrate them, that’s when you’re confidence become MUCH stronger, and you have better connections with people because they’re seeing the real you.
Then you’re all of a sudden not afraid to put yourself out there because you see that people celebrate and even enjoy your imperfections because that makes you who you are, and people want to see who you are.
So definitely I would say don’t hide away from being authentic, and be vulnerable, take that challenging step, and put yourself out there, and once you see that people are actually happier when you do that, then your confidence will be stronger, and your public speaking will be stronger as well, because public speaking is actually a reflection of who you are, so I would definitely say, take that first step.
To find out more about how our courses could help you, visit our courses page for more info.